The Lost Smile

A smile is a blessing it comes with out a thought
It is really just a gesture that can never be bought
If ever in a moment you feel a little blue
Than smile for minute that’s all you have to do

Sometimes you see a tear and think some one is sad
Its just because they laughed so hard from a moment that they had
Some people laugh so hard they look and sound insane
The tears are falling so fast it can sometimes look like pain

If you smile for too long your face will soon turn red
Some will say your tired and you should go to bed
Some things can be embarrassing and you know you should not smile
Instead you hope that you can hide it just for a little while

Have you ever said a comment and heard a funny remark
Don’t matter how hard you try your pants will soon turn dark
That’s when you know you had enough and things cant get much worse
All you have left to do is let nature run its course.

You can never hide a smile no matter how hard you try
So why pretend things aren’t funny unless you would rather cry
Before you decide in the moment what you feel is best
My best advice for you is to look at all the rest


What were we talking about in November

Online Community healthcare resource center

A promise we kept if you made changes

Please join us and tell us what page you can administer for Free marketing

Hazels Angels are proud online volunteers and have been working towards a better future for caregivers and loved ones since 2012 with one goal in mind. Caregivers are in desperate need of a safe home for their loved ones. Many of us are struggling to continue working but sadly eventually decide that their loved one needs them more.

We understand that our Health Care services are not equipped to handle Mental Illness and rare illnesses at this time. After a long battle of helping them understand mental illness it is time we share our views and concerns about services we require. Most importantly the urgent need for caregivers and loved ones to live in a safe supportive home. There are many ways we can get involved. Volunteering is appreciated for many both online and outdoors.

Caring for our loved one is not the hard part. They are in constant fear of being left alone when were gone. It is time to stand together and open community doors for fundraisers. You have the ability to help us bring our dream home to life. Young adults have very little services unless they are ready for rehabilitation. Many struggle with out a diagnoses and there for are not ready to be rehabilitated. This leaves them helpless lonely and filled with guilt from dependency.

 There are endless possibilities to help build a home for two.

If your a caregiver please share your story and we will add you to our speak out page and make sure your heard. Although their are several resources we are lacking the most important services to care. It is no secret that families leave their loved ones alone to care. We are not here to judge but to ask that we work together and offer services that our government cannot and has not begun to understand. Our basic needs are simple and with the right volunteers we can get the job done. Please join our free online community resource center and ask how you can bring the fun indoors for loved ones who are not able to leave their home. In the month of November we will be raising awareness for patients who suffer from daily seizures and the struggles of mental illness that follow. Please read our blog on word press.

We are confident and will grow but with the right partners the job will be done much quicker and time is valuable.

We are listing special need programs that do not exist and would offer a much better lifestyle to our caring families that should never be left alone.

I Had to leave you

In the last post we spoke about the challenges and tough choices when you can no longer care. I would like to remind you that many have different challenges. The challenges I am sharing are based on my experience and the many I talked to through emergency visits.

Now your facing a decision to allow someone else to take over caring for a loved one so you can recover from an illness. Many illnesses can take a long time to recover. This means you must make a change that will eliminate stress so you can regain your strength.

The question is who will be willing to make that change. Remember we mentioned that many loved ones must be watched closely. If you have a loved one with seizures it only takes 3 minutes before their airways are completely blocked. I can tell you in my experience we were visiting emergency rooms on average 3 times a month. If I had not been with her the outcome could and would have been much worse.

Now you can rest and you found someone you hope you can rely on. Your choices are slim but you do your best. This means they must be fully prepared and willing to make changes. Some of the changes they may be asked to make can be overwhelming. In many cases you are asked to stay with a loved one in their home. It is important that the person taking over care takes their responsibly seriously. They must understand mental illness and be willing to work with the challenges.

For the first week or two you will be relaxed and your loved one is being cared for. However with mental illness it won’t take long before they begin to feel unappreciated and they no longer want to deal with caring. The arguments become too overwhelming for both you and your ill loved one. It only takes a matter of time before they walk away or stop taking your loved ones health seriously. Your about to face another decision. In my situation it became clear that my only choice was not the right one. Many of us will rely on their own children to step up and help. Is it fair to ask your own child to put their dreams on hold? Did you have any other choice?

I cannot tell you how many I have spoke to that had very similar stories. Chances are many of us return to care. We begin to realize our investment in caring took  years of understanding. So you decide it is enough and your about to make more changes. A new challenge is about to become one of the biggest for many.

For many you may own your own home or rent from a home owner. Asking some one to move in to help with care is not an issue. However what if you live in a Coop or Ottawa Housing. They have separate rules from the land lord tenant act. We were very fortunate that a very important change was made for our family.

Our next blog I will discuss the importance of housing and our rights as caregivers and ill loved ones.

Purchase my book “I Was a Kid Once Too” on Kindle or amazon and help support my family.


Pushing your limits to care

In our last blog you may recall all the challenges we struggles with financially. We spoke of the many parents that are facing a decision to stay home or return to work. The options that we highlighted related to the consequences of returning to work. Now I would like to share the serious situations many are in and why they choose to continue working.

Through out my experience of speaking to many other caregivers I made sure to ask one very important question. Can you work? An outstanding number of them said no. Who were the primary ones that were able to continue working. We all speak about the importance of healthcare services but rarely speak of the benefits and lack there of.

I can tell you that many seniors were shared care. This means ultimately if you want to make sure your loved ones happy at home you find alternatives through CCAC and 211 a valuable number that can help seniors. The problem was long wait lists and limited resources. Now EI allows special leave so you can take time out and stay with a loved-one. In most cases you will find a stable home because they are working on behalf of caregivers and have a better understanding of the effect it caring has on our family.

Now lets talk about our children with disabilities. I can only say very little about the agencies themselves that provide several opportunities. The Ronald McDonald Home would have to be the best available service out there. However if you recall in our first blog this is when it becomes difficult. The problem is there are so many it takes time to find the right service that suits your disabled child. The good news is there are many and you can return to work. Timing is valuable for any loved one with a disability.

You heard about the agencies for seniors and children but now I am about to share the most complex one. There is one very valuable certificate you must have to make   decisions on a young adults behalf. It is called Power Of Care. This allows you the right to make a decisions on the loved ones behalf. It is not easy but at the very least you have a little control over your life. Forcing a loved one to accept the help that is out there is definitely the hardest and most crucial part of caring. Addictions are a perfect example of needing Power of care. Not many addicts will accept your services although they come with great intentions. The success rate can be high if a loved one had temporary Power of Care.

The problem with young adults is more a question of what to do when they refuse the help out there. You can tell Doctors until your blue in the face that they are not capable of making such a decision but the reality is they are there to diagnose. The responsibility is up to the patient. Sometimes it is a case of not having enough evidence to qualify for Power of Care and other times it is a question of how well their cognitive behavior is. In many cases parents are denied Power of Care.

Sadly there are so many services that are not being utilized because loved ones are refusing the services. This is when one life becomes two. Your loved ones decision becomes the worst kind of control imaginable. They refuse rehabilitation from great resources like Robin Easy Center and Vista Center. The problem with many who suffer from seizures is for the most part they are fine. If you have frontal lobe damage or any other damage to the brain you are not capable of seeing the destruction around you. Many are either too depressed or sleep through most of the day. In other cases they become addicted to TV and games. Marijuana becomes a way of escape and as long as they are fully equipped in their mind they do not need the help.

I wanted to make it clear that there are services however its the challenge of having our young adults accept the help. Now you have searched and you were either lucky enough to have them accept the care or you decided not working was not an option. So you decide your going to continue working because the options are clear. Your loved one at the very least is getting what they need to survive until help arrives.

Now your left with a new struggle. Remember we spoke about the many types of seizures out there. This is the same for many other illness. Rheumatic and mental illness has several types of illnesses also. It can take a long time to diagnose and that means several appointments and adjustments. That’s when life becomes to much to bare. Imagine continuously fighting for answers, working and caring for a very ill young adult. There is no way to describe the failure you begin to feel as a parent. The fact that you could not for see the importance of insurance and benefits. If only and why didn’t I become an everyday part of thinking. You question what you can do differently. Instead of making things easier it becomes so much more to handle.

Your health most likely will or has already become a second issue. Many will ignore the signs of a stroke or heart attack. Chances are cancer or other serious illnesses will not be detected because doctors rely too much on stress as a factor for what your feeling. You have become second to your loved ones care but first to be there care giver. You can explain your lack of ability to care anymore but Doctors hands are tied.

Many of these illnesses such as stroke or cancer come with the inability to think or remember things your self. How are you now expected to continue caring for your loved one. You simply cannot and your left with one option and one option only. You leave them alone until you can become strong enough to care again. So you only have one hope that your family will see the devastating effects and find ways to help. Most families will step up but many will become even more enraged with your loved one. Remember they refused the help or did not qualify for services. This is not acceptable for many family members.

A new beginning and the effects on your ill loved one when you finally decide they can live alone. Are you prepared for the reality that happens next. We are very pleased to have this opportunity ad hope that we can work together and learn from each other. We do not have all the answers but education is the key to finding them I am happy to be a part of a team that cares.

Please read my first e book on kindle called “I Was a Kid Once Too’ and help support my family so we can continue to help make changes for all families.

Leave Me Alone

The hardest part of caring for a loved one that has no Power of Care would be respecting their rights. Sometimes we forget that just because they have little ability to remember it does not mean they cannot think for them selves. Explaining this part to you is about to get a little complex and personal. I would ask that you just keep an open mind.

I cannot speak on behalf of all loved ones suffering with seizures but I am sure I’m not the only one. So what happens to your loved one when it’s time to go to work. It is important that you keep the risks in mind. Many of our loved ones who suffer with seizures are marijuana smokers. This addiction not only causes rage and misunderstandings but also financial instability. Remember we talked about all the pain and the challenges a loved one has. It’s almost impossible to keep them away from the one drug that helps. As a parent you know that each seizure can be better or worse than the next. We also know that stress is the #1 trigger  for many. I can walk you through the many mistakes and changes I wish I made but as I said we are all living under different situations with the same lack of services.

Once the desperate realization that life is much harder when forcing your loved one to quit your only left with few options. Do you return to work and find a caregiver for your loved one. If your planning on paying for a caregiver the good news is there are many great ones to choose from. Staff Med is one of many on our site that now recognize caregivers are an asset. However what if you do not have a great paying job. Your not about to ask for daycare assistance. Sadly agencies will turn you down for subsidized care. There are few agencies equip ted to deal with seizures.

Now your faced with a live or die situation literally. Some parents will take the risk and rely on pop in visitors. If seizures are under control than you can feel pretty comfortable. In many cases your called on a regular bases or told about the many challenges neighbors and friends had during your time away. The guilt and questions are just added stress. You begin to feel overwhelmed. If your in a position to make changes chances are you will leave your job and stay home once again. It just does not work for many and you realize your loved one needs you. The one that can for see a fall or at the very least keep them smiling. We think were doing the best working to support a habit but in the end there is no real answer.

What if you cannot afford to just quit your job. This is a story once again that relates very similar to mine. However again I want to remind you many are also experiencing very similar effects. The choice of keeping your loved one safe is a new journey.

Tomorrow we will discuss the effects of continuing to push your limits.

Seizures and transportation

If you read part one of this blog you will quickly realize the challenges that families struggle with on a daily basis. Chances are for many who suffer with seizure’s are under proper care. However exactly what type of care are they receiving and where?

If your lucky you live close to your family doctor. Many make sure appointments are within walking distance or a short distance away. However the question is how many other professionals are involved in your loved ones care. For many it can involve between 5-10 professionals and services. Some of the most important appointments involve dietician, Physio,psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologist, Gynecologist, Dentists, and services like Cas, ODSP, Rehabilitation programs, social workers. This not not involve your own appointments. Chances are the stress alone will throw a curve ball your way and health eventually becomes an issue for you . You will start panicking and find yourself searching every avenue for help only to find very little. Also several tests are very important for many with seizures. We must remember medication can also harm other parts of your body. Seizure patients can be on damaging medication for many years.  This means a lot of transportation costs that the caregiver is not covered for.Sure disability insurance takes care of your loved one. Many receive discount buss passes to make it a little more affordable.

What happens if your loved one has pseudo seizures. In this case it is important to keep their mind occupied on long bus rides. Many loved ones have seizures on public transportation and this can cause a distraction for others on the bus especially the bus driver. If 911 is called then all who are on the bus are impacted. This means you could be late for work or miss an important appointment. You may be wondering why we take buses. It is hard to imagine your family and friends refusing to offer assistance. The thought of driving and your loved one having a seizure can be pretty scary. Not to mention as I said in my first blog many loved ones have jobs or children. Keep in mind with that many appointments comes a lot of favors. It gets old and tired fast for many but you are left with the challenge alone. In many cases appointments are cancelled because bus rides are just not an option. Some seizure patients require 24 hour care because it only takes one seizure to take their life.

Caregivers leave hospitals and sign a waver accepting responsibility but many are not informed about the lack of appreciation and services from many health care residence. So if you are asked to sign a waver please make sure their promises are met first. Don’t let hospitals bully your loved one because they lack funding.

Would you leave your loved one alone and take the chance.

Tomorrows blog

The Fear of being left alone.


A Life of Seizures

What are the real effects of seizures? When many talk about seizures you most commonly think of a person shaking uncontrollably. For many the reaction is to quickly put something under your tongue. If your more experienced you would know that rolling a patient on their side is the best and safest way to control the person and prevent choking. Also making sure any thing that can be harmful is cleared. In many cases a seizure stop within a short few minutes. Many who have a epileptic form of seizures are fortunate enough to have  medication that helps reduce the risk.

What about the effects seizures cause on your body.  There are several other medical set backs that many do not know about. Chances are if you have a grand- mal seizure or Tonic -Chronic Seizure the outcome well be much more damaging.

I would like to start by discussing the most common damage that happens to the brain. Many patients develop Frontal lobe Damage. This means all though they appear to sound normal and for the most part behave normal this can be very deceiving. Your memory is your key to keeping your health in check. With frontal lobe damage it can be very difficult to remember the most important factors in your life. Some of the simplest things that come naturally to us is not so easy if you have frontal lobe Damage. Hygiene and appointment follow ups will most likely not happen with out the help of a care giver or loved one.Taking seizure medication can have a very serious impact on their health. There are several things to consider when forgetting important pills. Seizure medications helps keep important factors in your blood balanced. Folic Acid and Sodium levels can easily drop or raise depending on your situation. This can be life threatening if a seizure patient is not well monitored.

Memory is just one of the possible concerns. Organic Brain Syndrome can have a much larger effect on the person. This means much more than just forgetting. It is very similar to dementia followed for many by a high sex drive. Poor decisions are continuously made and in the wrong company it will not be perceived very well. An example would be grabbing a body part and making a comment or the impulsiveness of wanting something and not accepting the word no. In many cases with organic Brain Syndrom they need continuous reassurance regarding a memory they are not quit sure happened the way they remember. Then their are the more severe cases and their recollection is confused and details are poor. This is an urgent call for monitoring medication through regular doctor visits. During emergency visits chances are they will likely listen to the doctors instructions only to walk away like it never happened. This means if there is an infection or test results showed a serious condition arising chances are they will get much worse before better.

Infections and injuries are not uncommon. If you think about the importance of hygiene and medication but a lack of memory this should not surprise you. It’s not only frustrating for family and friends but doctors can only do so much. Remember the phrase “You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink it” That’s the reality of making poor decision making. We talk about Mental Illness patients not caring for themselves but the reality is in many cases it is not that simple.It is important to remember that some loved ones rely primarily on a loved one for their memory.

Many patients are on high doses of medication that numbs their thinking and ability. Medications do not always work in a favorable way. Many times you have to continuously remind yourself that it may be the effects of the new medication. Often a loved one will become extremely tired, withdrawn and in many cases suicidal. In some of the more serious incidences they may show signs of rage or unusual behavior. If a patient is left to deal with this on their own it can not only be dangerous to them self but also to others. Remember it is the medication that keeps their brain stable. Another reason why a caregiver should be involved.

Another important addition to your health is diet. In many cases diets go hand in hand with their medication. Some medication can cause serious cravings for sugar and cause extreme weight gain. This can be tricky if you look healthy but it is not because of a proper diet. Vitamins and folic acid are a major concern when taking seizure medication or mood stabilizers. Having a memory disorder can often confuse a patients recall of when they last ate. Often sleep and medicinal drugs like marijuana take the place of an important diet.

It is important to remember that several types of seizures come with different outcomes. Pseudo seizures are the most complex. Many neurologist will refer to these seizures first hand. This can cause a lot of friction between family members. The reality is if you can see the stress, time and energy family invests in a loved ones care the last thing they want to hear is that it was all done for attention.It is important to do your home work and understand that although some Doctors still practice old school theories there are always changes through extensive research. If this is the case I strongly advise you find a doctor that is willing to listen.

Once you begin to realize that doctors are not taking your loved one serious several others new problems will most likely arise. You will most likely begin to realize the change in a loved one. If pseudo seizures are caused by a brain that cannot cope with stress imagine living with accusations that your faking. Pseudo seizures are probably the most unpredictable and dangerous types. In my opinion the highest risk of Pseudo seizures is when family is convinced that they can live alone. Its a dangerous game especially when a fall can happen any where and any time. If at best you have a loved one willing to care your journey will become even more complicated and frustrating.

The search for new help will continue. However think about the age and type of disability your looking at. Think about the hidden factors no one really sees. That is when you feel the most desperate. Many Ontario services do not feel our circumstances require respite care or at best some help at home. Your time will be consumed and chances are eventually you will set into the role and accept the new life your given with a loved one.  There are many questions we want to answer for health care so they can step in and help protect our loved ones that suffer from seizures from ever being left alone with out proper consideration and rehabilitation.Not all seizure patients are alike and every individual should be closely monitored by health care professionals that are trained for brain injuries. Help open new doors for seizure patients.

We are in need of your voices. As a caregiver with a loved one I can tell you first hand our battle is long and very difficult. If we are offered services that allow us to return to work that would be half the battle.

Our next topic will deal with public outings and transportation.

Prepare to care



The Responsibilities shared by family members

I have been a caregiver and mother of my 22 year old daughter who became seriously debilitating in 2012 from an unexpected grand-ma seizure. Our family was going through a separation although we were fortunate enough to pull together as a family.

I realized after leaving all the false promises from doctors once leaving the hospital how much trouble we were really in. There were many service that to they believed was still available to help support disability. We traveled far and wide to find the proper resources that will provide for my daughter. Unfortunately there was very little service out there for a daughter of her age.

It is time we start to look at the overwhelming care we provide and the shortage of services to help support our young disabled at home. If a child has mental illness then they most likely have a caregiver by their side.

I would like to share some of my real concerns for our future caregivers if we do not act now. When I first became a caregiver my income was $40 000 a year. There was no coverage on my daughters behalf once she reached the age of 18.

Our  journey started when my daughter’s ongoing symptoms became to confusing for doctors to understand. She suffered from memory loss, her behaviour was very much like a teenager, she repeated herself and had pseudo seizures daily.

The doctors began to convince my family members she was faking and much of her behavior seemed to happen at the most convenient times. This is the point that our lives were about to take a very big turn.

As a mother and caregiver I stood by my daughter and never gave up on her. Rather then offer financial assistance, drives to appointments or help with picking up her medications, my family chose to walk away. Doctors can be very convincing and rather then offer services they convinced my family to take the approach of tough love and walk away.

Sadly our addictions made it impossible to live and I was no longer able to gain support from family and friends. I was no longer able to live a lifestyle of depression and chose to go back to work. I had only one member of my family that stayed close and was there when I needed him. My brother Kenny took on the role of care giving during my employment.

Kenny had several issues himself and could not always keep up with Brittany’s meds, diet, hygiene and cleaning. I became more depressed and relied on majuana as a relief from reality. I picked up my first joint at the age of 45 when I started to hear stories that it can relieve arthritis pain. For me it did much more then just help my joints.Brittany had already been smoking for years and it was obvious with her behavior there was no stopping her. She had contacts from the past and they were never to far from home. The funny part of smoking together is how much your willing to share.

Brittany started sharing a story of sleeping with a 47 year old man for pot, how suicidal she felt at times and her inner personal feeling. She would have a normal conversation, more relaxed but still repeating herself.

I knew in my heart changes needed to happen. During my working hours I told my boss I had to give notice. Shortly after my boss started noticing signs of a stroke. She immediately callede 911 and I was rushed to emerge on a breathing machine.

It was in the month of December and I was not waking up. All I can remember are strange visions of my son doing a tracheotomy and visions of nurses force feeding me. After a long battle I was fianlly able to awake and saw my 17 year daughter with a huge smile waving at me. It was then I realized I had forgotten about my other children.

After a long recovery several events started to consume my life once more. I had been staying at my ex husbands. It was obvious after a stroke I could not live under such a high level of stress. This put me at high risk for eviction under the Coop bylaw. My daughter Brittany began to suffer from severe dental pain,panic attacks, anxiety and eventually osteomalitus.

I made the desicion to move back in and after a long battle of fighting my eviction we were able to remain in the Coop. I was promised so much from family and friends and Brittany was getting the support she needed from family members.

We are now back in the same position once again, my family has exausted the financial favors and tranportation. One by one everyone gets tired of her long stays in emergency room and appointments. Once again I am forced to care for my daughter alone with the support of my brother.

Brittany has a 5 year old son and she has supervised visits to this day. She fights an addiction to marijuana, very confused and forgetful, has strange behaviors, but most importantly after many visits to the dentist and infectious  control we are still awaiting for the remainder of her teeth and bone fragments from jaw to be removed.

As for me I have a marijuana addiction and am battling to stay away from my past smoking habit. I was diagnosed with COPD and fail to get any support from ODSP since 2013.

We have a much better health team although disappointed in long wait lists that are out of their control.

I represent caregivers and loved ones and some day hope to have a mediator that will challenge our government with these issues

  1. What are the rights and services do you plan on providing for our young adults who suffer with mental illness
  2. Would you consider opening a building plan similar to COOP that allows caregivers and loved ones to live together with resources similar to retirement homes

A care giving action plan is under consideration will this involve

  • Temporary financial aid and help freeze any financial legal contracts to avoid bankruptcy
  • Spousal support during divorce or separation for caregiver and young adult  or senior under 64
  • A caregivers rights to view their loved one during any mental disability
  • Personal support systems for transportation and parking vouchers
  • Travelling charges due to not have health equipment in certain regions
  • Add caregivers to the priority list in hospitals
  • Add new regulations for residence that face eviction due to mental illness
  • The time is now to think about our caregivers in the future.

Sir please leave me alone

Always prepare for an emergency, know your loved ones health care save hospital time and encourage the best health for your loved one. You knowledge could save a life.
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I Was a Kid Once Too

A women was lying on the streets, she seemed to be very rich with her jewels around her neck and all the gold rings imaginable.

Her hair was well maintained and nails were prettier than a movie stars. She just stared in one direction with a blank look on her face.

A man finally approached her and said ” what seems to be the problem” she did not respond, he then placed his hand gently on her head, she quivered and looked at him seemingly confused ” .

She then turned to him and said ” my feet are made of stone and they are too heavy to lift”. Please sir walk away this is not your problem I can handle it.

The man looked down at her feet and they were flawless. He then replied ” but your feet look fine dear”. Maybe if I help you up you…

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